General Information
What's New in Samoa
What's New in The Program
Teacher's Corner
Trainers' Corner - Regarding Tasks seminars
On the Inside - By a boy in Samoa
Inside Out - Adapting to your son at home
On the Outside - By a boy who's gone home
The Ebb and Flow of Paradise Cove
Parent Coordinator's Corner
Family Support
This is a monthly newsletter published and written by parents, for parents of kids in Samoa. Though program staff review P.O.K.I.S. prior to printing and distribution, as well as provide information for several columns, the content and format was designed by Linda F. and Sheryl J., the parents of two boys in Samoa. Both of our sons have returned home.
Unless a column is written by Paradise Cove staff, the information doesn't necessarily reflect the opinion of program staff. We appreciate individuals at Paradise Cove, Brightway, and Teen Help for their invaluable assistance and for the printing and distribution of this newsletter. If you have any suggestions, comments, or questions, please contact Teen Help at 1-800-355-8336.
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Sheryl J John J Linda F Elizabeth D. |
Editor in Chief Support Associate Editor Assistant Editor |
GENERAL INFORMATION
Please let us know whether or not you find it valuable to have P.O.K.I.S.
available on the Internet.
We will no longer include the Dear Ms. Problems column in P.O.K.I.S. With
the addition of Glenda C., the new parent coordinator, we feel problems
are more appropriately handled in the following format: 1) In all
circumstances except billing questions or seminar registration, the first
step to take is to call your son's case manager in Samoa or your stateside
coordinator - Sonja or Joe. 2) If the case managers or stateside
coordinators are unable to answer your questions, or if you feel that the
concern is an urgent one requiring the director's attention, contact
Brian, Duane, or Ed through the office in Samoa. 3) Trudi at Cross Creek
Manor mails out new parent manuals. 4) Ren (801) 635-0918 or E-mail at
renmc.com takes care of seminar information and registration for seminars.
5) Glenda's role is to work with the new parents to familiarize them with
the program, review the parent manual, and to educate them about how their
involvement in the seminars is critical to their son's optimal success.
She will also assist in problem resolution ONLY for those parents who have
taken the above steps, and still feel they need some assistance. 6)
Finally, after all these steps are taken, if you require any additional
help, contact Brent Facer through Brightway.
We would like to welcome Deborah J. the new editor of P.O.K.I.S.
Deborah's son completed the program, and was recommended home three months
ago. They have both been busy staffing Parent Discovery Seminars. When
Ben returned home, Deborah quit her job as an executive sales associate to
be with her son. She now finds herself with time on her hands and is
eager to take on the newsletter. As a member of the Association of
Executive Saleswomen, Deborah was heavily involved with their newsletter.
We expect P.O.K.I.S. to continue to grow and improve under her capable
direction. We would like to extend our appreciation to Deborah for
volunteering a considerable amount of her time to continue serving the
program and the parents in this capacity.
Top
by Brian, Director-Paradise Cove
Talofa Lava!
We have expanded our Staff Team over here in Western Samoa, and wanted to
share with you the newest staff members here at Paradise Cove.
We are very excited to have more qualified people from the United States
to help us continue to have the best program available for your sons. I
would like to introduce to you the four new couples we have brought
aboard.
Peter and Enid are from Kaysville, Utah. They have 3 children ages 7, 5,
and 2. Peter has been brought aboard as our new Personnel Director. He
does our recruiting and staff training. Peter was actually born in
Western Samoa, and moved with his family to the United States when he was
14 years old. He is very excited to return after all these years to see
all the exciting changes. His wife Enid is our other Office Manager and
will be working closely with our Case Managers.
Christian and Carolyn are from Orem, Utah. They also have 3 children,
ages 4, 2, and 6 months. Christian is our Administrative Assistant in
charge of quality assurance, detailing facilities and improvements. I'm
sure you have heard a lot of good comments from your sons as we are
constantly improving on our facilities to make things better! His wife
Carolyn, assists him with the facility conditions at Le Tiara cottages,
daily inspections of cottage facilities, health, nutrition, and oversees
the menu.
Ed and Mary are from St. George, Utah. Ed worked at Brightway for the
past 5 1/2 years. He took a risk in moving he and his wife to Samoa to
oversee our beach facility. As our new Beach Facility Manager, he spends
time trying to improve on living conditions and enjoys spending quality
time with the boys as well. Many good changes have occurred since Ed and
Mary have been on the Beach.
Dace and Laurie are from Hurricane, Utah. Dace has been brought aboard as
our Academic Coordinator. He was previously teaching at Pine Valley High
School in St. George, Utah. He and his wife Laurie have their hands full
with the many school demands of our program. We are very grateful to have
them and their experience to handle our academic load!!!
We are also very thrilled to have a returning student of Paradise Cove
come back to live in Western Samoa to work for the program. Tyler is from
Southern California and returned home to California a year ago. He loved
Samoa and had a strong desire to come back and work for Paradise Cove. I
supported this decision and he has been a great help to our Shift Leaders
and Family Fathers. He loves helping out wherever he is needed. He has
been an great addition to our staff. We are grateful to our new employees
for leaving many things behind to come be part of our Paradise Cove
Family. We hope you are as excited as we are and that you continue to
hear good things from your sons of the good changes being made here on
their behalf!!!
Top
Transition Home News! In the last issue of P.O.K.I.S. this column
described the newest phase of the program, the Transition Home. My son,
Craig was one of the first five boys to enter the Transition Home
following the Parent Child Seminar September 5-7. I have to admit that
although I was very committed to this phase, which is meant to assist the
boys as they adjust to life back in the United States and to their family
life, I was worried. I worried about Craig being a guinea pig. Would
there be enough structure after Paradise Cove? Were the families they
would be living with "good families?" Did the boys really need to
complete this phase? Would school work out, as my son has completed his
requirements for graduation, and would there be adequate recreation and
physical activity?
After two weeks in Transition, I have to tell you that all my worries are
alleviated. Craig loves Transition Home, and we do too! Let me tell you
a little more about our experiences.
At PC1 it became apparent to all of us that we still had some work to do,
with our family contract and with family dynamics, before we were ready to
live together again as a family. It has been much easier to work on both
of those issues with Craig in the Transition Home. It was also evident
that the boys felt overwhelmed at being back in the States and with their
families, and that the Transition Phase would offer them an opportunity to
adjust at a little slower pace. One of the boys who went home several
months ago said, "At first there were times when I just wanted to check
out TV again. I felt like I couldn't do that, because I should be
interacting with my family." When we entered PC 1, I really just wanted
Craig home. When we left, in spite of finding an incredibly wonderful
young man, I was glad that we were going to have breathing and working
space.
Currently there are two private homes housing five boys. Both families
have worked with the program in some capacity before, and meet guidelines
set. They were interviewed and signed a contract, including that the boys
will have adult supervision at all times. The boys have truly become
"part of the family." They join the families in hiking, basketball,
football, going to the gym, shopping, chores, and playing. Craig tells me
that Rob and Trudi, the parents of the family he's with, are "great." He
really enjoys the other children in the home, and is included at all
times. Trudi tells me that he's great at convincing their kids that they
should do as their parents ask and that he loves teasing and playing with
the kids. Also, the two Paradise Cove boys in Craig's home join the boys
in the other home for sports and other activities.
Now parents, don't faint! The parents in both homes have commented on
what polite lovely young men our sons are. One of the moms says she found
herself wondering, "What did these boys need to be in the program for?"
While the boys are in the Transition Homes, parent visits and phone calls
and home passes are encouraged. Increased family contact is one of the
main purposes of the Transition Home. The program feels it is very
important that the families interact and get re-established and
re-acquainted. With prior approval from parents, the boys may have also
have visits from grandparents and siblings.
The boys go to school in one of the transition homes with a teacher from
Browning Academy. Families they stay with are responsible for their
transportation. If they have already graduated, they will be working on
increasing their SAT scores, via pre-testing to see where their weak areas
are, and work on those with tutoring.
Bob Litchfield wanted us parents to be aware that the Transition Home,
though supervised, is not a "lock-down facility." If a boy is still a
run-risk, and decides to run, he will probably be successful. Our
experience is that Craig and the other boys enjoy the Transition Home so
much that running would never even enter their minds. Thank you Teen Help
and Paradise Cove for this wonderful addition to the program.
Top
by Dace & Laurie
We have finally found a few minutes to write a few words for P.O.K.I.S.
The first three weeks have been very hectic, because of the changes and
improvements which we are trying to implement. The improvements will
include a comprehensive proficiency exam after all courses are completed,
an educational portfolio, a monthly update to each parent on the student's
progress, and better communication between all parties involved. We will
enjoy this challenge and look forward to helping the students and the
parents in our endeavors.
Top
Structure vs. Control
As individuals, we like to know what is going to happen in our lives.
This gives us a great deal of comfort. It eliminates or reduces risk,
errors, and fear in our life. One of the tools we can use in our life is
to create structure. Sadly, we often use structure as a "controlling"
mechanism rather than to create a structure.
Structure is about framing the game we are playing. It is a means to
knowing the rules, what is expected, and ultimately how to win within the
game. Without structure life would be chaos. Imagine a family,
community, or workplace without some type of structure. Relationships
would not last long or be very fulfilling in such an environment.
Structure comes in two forms. First is the form of structure that is
developed from having a purpose. It is the large framework in which I
participate with my universe. A purpose cannot be touched, measured, or
quantified. It is very nebulous. However, it is the most powerful rock
upon which to form structure. With a purpose I can determine which of the
many choices I have fit within the framework of my life. This gives me a
structure in which I can fulfill my life.
The second element of structure consists of ground rules and agreements.
These are the specific details upon which I make my purpose real in the
universe. This form of structure is often misused. It becomes a game of
enforcing my desires upon another person - this is controlling behavior.
Within the framework of my agreements and ground rules are the means to
enforce and monitor the system.
Structure is not open to continual interpolations. If we are redefining
the structure it is a good possibility we are merely wanting to "get our
way." In any redefinition of the structure, we should be looking at
whether this serves the purpose or merely "my wants." Too often as
parents, we are upset and frightened so we start throwing new rules and
interpolations in the current structure. This will work against creating
what we want in our family. It sends a message to our child about
integrity. We want our child to operate with integrity. We must teach
this through our actions. Using structure to try and control the
situation eventually will cause a breakdown. Set the structure up so that
both the purpose and agreements are clearly understood. Once this is
done, hold all accountable for their actions. Review the structure for
areas of concern and create agreement to change the structure.
The fine line for parents to walk is between the parent role and a coach.
At times, we must be the parent and lay down the necessary framework,
particularly in those areas where we can not get agreement. Yet at the
same time we want to build our influence with our children by acting as a
coach and guide. This means at times we have to allow more leeway than we
as parents may like. This is very tricky to say the least. Do I have an
answer - NO. You must determine the bounds for you and your family. Work
with your child concerning the purpose and the supporting rules. They do
not always like the structure, but they do know how important it is for
their success. Hold them accountable for their success.
UPCOMING TRAINING DATES
The following gives the training dates for upcoming Parent Seminars and
Parent Child trainings. Remember, your child must be scheduled into a
Parent Child I, and then into transition. Parents must be graduates of
the Parent Discovery Seminar to attend the Parent Child Sequence.
Call the TASKS Coordinator at (801) 635-0918 or E-mail at renmc.com to
register and obtain exact locations. To assist in planning and to avoid
possible cancellation for the Focus seminars, fees for Focus must be
submitted at the time of registration. Focus seminars are subject to
cancellation unless a minimum number of registrations are received by 30
days prior to the seminar.
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Letter #1: from Oliver
I arrived here in Western Samoa about ten months ago to attend a program
called Paradise Cove. At Paradise Cove, I was set with the challenge of
dealing with issues in my life which I chose the wrong direction in the
past. A few of those issues were school, gangs, communications with my
parents and family, and fighting with my brother who is 18, a year older
than I am. I knew dealing with my issues was not going to be an easy
task, and when I first arrived here, I still looked for ways for the easy
way out.
To begin with, one thing I did realize was that this is going to take a
lot of time and effort and that patience is the one thing that both my
parents and I would have to work with. Well, time went by real slow for
me as I went through both seminars, Focus and Discovery, over here, until
I finally moved up to level 2 after three months. I knew I was not going
to stop til I have completed my goals, which were to graduate high school
and go home with a positive outlook on my future.
A month and a half went by and I then moved up to level 3. On level 3 I
was able to work with my leadership traits as I moved up to family leader
a month later At about this time, around June 3rd, my father came to
visit me here in Western Samoa. My relationship with my father was pretty
rocky when I was home 10 months ago. Now we are able to share our honest
feelings towards things without putting up a front, to sort of say. While
my dad was here we discussed many things. I'm very happy with the way
things went over here, as that was the first time my father and I did not
have an upsetting argument between each of us. And the feeling as my Dad
said that he is proud of me was unexplainable. I was on level 3 for 3
months and family leader for 2.
I then moved up to level 4 and two weeks later graduated high school. I
now work at Le Tiara, a village where level 1s start off. I work here 7
days a week every other week. Here I am an example and a junior staff
where I assist level 1s and newcomers adjust to the program. I have been
on level 4 for about two and a half months now.
I arrived here in Samoa as a drop-out at school, where I did not attend my
11th grade in high school, also with a negative attitude and a downward
outlook in life.
Now I am graduated from high school with plans to take my SAT testing in
December, and then following up with college in the Fall or Spring
semester of 1997. I now have a positive outlook of life and the future.
I have the greatest relationship with my parents which is way more than
anyone could ask for. And last but definitely not least, I have a new
best friend, which is my brother Michael. I'm a fun, loving, smart young
man.
Letter #2 a poem by Ben
COLD MORNING DAY
My mom is so loving,
My mom saved my life
I put her through so much,
My mom finally got tired of all that hurt,
That cold morning in despair
I love my mom for what she did for me
Top
I am pleased to have the opportunity to share with everyone about the
Parent/Child I that was held in Utah on September 5-7. Although this was
not our first PCI, it was the first that was held where boys came out of
Samoa and went to the next stage - Transition. We have five boys who are
in the initial group. Most of the parents had not had any physical
contact; e.g., a visit, with their sons for a year plus. The parents were
very anxious, excited, fearful, joyful, etc. to be back with their boys
again. I know for all the parents who made a commitment to have their
sons complete the program via transition, this took another act of
courage, sacrifice, and faith.
The first day of the training all the parents wanted to believe that their
son was "finished" and he couldn't be more perfect, so why not just take
him home - the honeymoon phase. As the training progressed, the parents
and child were able to identify what more needed to be worked on and
through. Issues such as the boundaries of the home contract, unresolved
hurts/pains, the changes that all parties had made and the struggle to
accept the "new" parent or child, the unspoken words, etc. The training
gave all parties the opportunity to identify and create a plan for
everyone to work on for at least the next two months. Thus, while in
transition with more frequent communication via phone calls, visits home,
and family visits, all families agreed this was the perfect next step for
everyone.
The major issue the boys kept talking about was how overwhelming it was to
be back in the United States where everything moves faster, everything is
bigger than life, there are more temptations, and their sense of safety is
challenged. The boys identified the value gained by having the safety and
structure of the program. I see that the transition stage is a vital
component for the boys coming back from Samoa to enable them to reground
with their families and our culture.
Overall, it was a GREAT training and I always feel honored to play a role
in the lives of the boys and their families, and to see the
transformations that take place with everyone.
I'll leave you this time with a quote:
The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
Top
Hello. My name is Charles, and I was in Samoa for thirteen months. My
purpose in writing this letter is to seriously assist you and your son in
your success.
It would have been a weak situation to come home and for me to have
changed my life if my parents or family continued to stay the same.
I hear many parents saying, "Do what I say and not what I do." Why is
that: Because parents don't want to face their own problems. I see many
parents that don't know who they are. I see many parents that aren't
willing to take a deep look at themselves. If you aren't, then how do you
expect your son to take a serious look at his life? I believe that your
son is an exact mirror of you. This program affects the whole family, not
just your son.
I am a completely different person. before Samoa I didn't have a clue of
what I was doing or who I was. I was destroying my life. To say it
simply - I was a BIG TIME FOLLOWER. Things have really changed. I am
proud of my accomplishments in the program. I brought my grade point
average from a dropout to a 3.0. I successfully completed the program and
was recommended home.
Relatively few boys are recommended out of the program for the simple fact
that after four or five months, parents see so much more change in their
son than they ever expected, so for some reason they must think he is
complete and built as a leader. So they pull their son out. I bet
they're seriously regretting that decision. How can a kid change from a
follower to a real leader, and how can a person truly know who they are in
that short period of time? I believe it will take at least one full year
of working with the program to have a son that has a foundation built
strong and unmovable, but there are no time limits or predictions on when
a person is really ready. All I know is that it takes major commitments
and major time for this type or miracle to happen. It is exactly like
having a baby. How can anybody expect a baby to come out in six months?
Sometimes babies survive if they're born early, but often they don't.
Lots of parents think that a program will fix their kid and then
everything will be all right. I believe that no program can change
anyone. I believe that a person can not change another person. So how do
programs work? They have processes that challenge the individual habits
and beliefs. They also have major wake up calls. First the program gave
me a major wake up call through feedback specific for me. Then I had two
choices. I could either change my life, or I could stay living miserably,
hating myself. I improved my own life with assistance. Nobody else fixed
me.
What more could you ask for than to have a son that is a powerful leader
and a son that believes in himself? That's what my parents have, because
they stuck it out. I feel like I have been saved for some special purpose
on earth, because my parents could have so easily pulled me out earlier,
and if they had I would probably be lost right now. Since I have been
home I have built a real relationship with my family. I am able to
express my emotions for the first time in my life. I have changed my
image and reputation completely. I have more respect and love in my life
and I'm not scared of the future anymore.
I will be very honest. If you think your son will have a solid foundation
in six months, then you are fooling yourself big time. Level four had
prepared me for life. In the last seven months I have built a real
relationship with my family, earned my Eagle Scout, changed my image 100%,
and I own my own business. I can truly say that without the processes
that go on through level four, all this would be wiped away. I'm only
starting out with my new life. I will never stop growing into a better
person.
I will feel real sorry for you if things get tough and you give up the
fight for greatness. QUITTERS NEVER WIN. What will you be teaching your
son if you give up, and what will you be teaching your son if you stick it
out and succeed at what you set out to do? It's all in your hands and
never ignore your gut feeling. It always tells the truth.
I seriously challenge you to find out all the phone numbers of the kids
have been recommended out of the program. Talk to us and see how
different we are when compared to the kids that leave before they're
recommended home. There's a big difference. Listen to the power and
direction we have. We are truly different than the ordinary person.
A note from the editor: A parent wrote and asked us to include more
information from kids who'd gone home, about how the program prepared them
for success in the working world. Following is a letter from a girl who
graduated from Cross Creek Manor (the girls' program).
Letter #2: by Danielle
Hi, my name is Danielle . I was at Cross Creek Manor and am now working
at Brightway and Teen Help. When I left, I wanted to get a job. For a
few months I didn't, because I was in college with 20 credits. Also I had
limited transportation. Then Jay K. said I could work at Brightway. I am
so grateful to him for this.
The seminars helped me to become motivated and to care about my future.
Also I learned how to be responsible after so many days of room jobs.
Small things like essays, silence, having so many roommates, and getting
through the day even when I felt like giving up, have helped me. These
things all help teach how to handle stressful situations and how to stay
in control.
I intend to finish college and get a higher paying job someday. Some kids
leave and don't want to work unless they are making a ton of money. The
job I have now gives me experience and money. Although I am somewhat
financially dependent on my parents, I feel it's only fair that I work to
support myself as much as possible after all they invested in me while I
was in the program.
Letter #3: by Deborah J., future editor
Well, it's been 3 months since our son (Ben) returned from Paradise Cove,
and we are happy to report he continues to do exceedingly well. We owe a
debt of gratitude and thanks to all who were involved with the program.
It has taught him to get in touch with his true feelings and to realize he
can enjoy life without the influence of drugs or alcohol. The most
crucial part of this learning phase is the return home where your child
will use the skill sets that he has learned, with the help of a secure,
loving and disciplined environment.
The Home Contract is a vital part of this transition and I cannot
emphasize strongly enough how important it is to make sure you have one in
place. Without this structure it would be too easy for your child to fall
back into the old ways. It took us 3 days to put one together that we all
felt comfortable with; we wanted to make sure that not only did we make it
fair for our son, but also that it did not give him any back doors. We
decided to make the contract a living document - meaning it would be in
existence while he resided in our home.
We solicited our son's feedback and suggestions throughout the process.
In order for him to abide by the terms he needed to feel that he had
ownership and that we were not just dictating the terms. We were both
surprised and amazed at the ideas and suggestions he came up with, and he
readily pointed out anything that could have potentially resulted in a
back door for him.
Needless to say, the final document is twelve pages long and covers
anything from dating to income, savings and allowance. We even included a
glossary of terms so there would be no room for misunderstanding.
Each contract is different for every family. What woks for one may not
necessarily work for another. His three month evaluation ends on Sept.
7th, and I can honestly say some, if not all, of the rules will be
modified in his favor.
My son is back in school this week, and that's where the real challenge
begins. He is going to face many temptations, but I feel confident that
he will rise to meet them. He has learned so much while being at Paradise
Cove that I realize I am now learning from him.
Remember not to lose sight of your magical children, for they will always
be with you. God Bless and all the very best to you all!
Top
Communication Concerns
I often hear comments regarding the difficulty getting a phone call
through to Samoa. Frustrations rise, patience runs short, and assumptions
replace logic. So, perhaps shedding some light on the subject will ease
the aggravation.
One of the endearing aspects of the Samoan culture is their seemingly
stress free way of life. One of the reasons for this is the lack of
emphasis for the need for an abundance of technology. If you were to
visit Samoa, you would notice the absence of phone booths on street
corners or in businesses such as we are accustomed to here. Few families
have telephones in their homes, let alone dual lines, fax lines or
cellular phones.
As a result, securing a phone number is very difficult. Simply put, we
are waiting for numbers to become available. Several times each week the
staff check the current status. We are on 'the list,' however phone
number requests currently outnumber the availability. This rates very
high priority.
I am asked about the possibility of scheduling calls. We recognize the
value in doing so. However, until each Case Manager has her own phone
line, there is no way to effectively manage that system. Believe me when
I say that the staff look forward to this as much as you do.
I also receive inquiries regarding the possibility of e-mail. We are
still in the process of getting a system in place to effectively handle
this for you. While we recognize many of the advantages, until we are
able to have a system in place that will allow us to handle the flood of
communications that will result, we do not want to further complicate
things for you. Any of you that work in an environment with the e-mail
system can relate to how quickly bogged down you can get with e-mails
needing to be either responded to, and/or printed off. Please be patient.
While e-mail is a very quick way to send and to receive information,
getting the system and staff in place to accommodate this takes time.
Until the additional phone numbers become available, perhaps these tips
will be helpful.
When possible, fax a memo to your Case Manager or Stateside Coordinator a
few days prior to your call, with your specific concerns or questions you
would like to address. Be specific. Don't ask, "How is he doing this
week?" or "How is his school work?" Ask questions such as, "Was he
recommended for a level move." If not, "How is he holding himself back?"
Getting manipulative letters? Ask his Case Manager or Stateside
Coordinator to confront him, and that he be given the appropriate
consequence. Find out how his interaction is with his Paradise Cove
family. Is he displaying any leadership traits? If so, how is that
displayed? If not, why not. What is their recommendation for you to
assist in his progress? In other words, the more specific your questions,
the more information you will receive.
Be mindful of your length of time on a call. Of course, your son is the
most important boy in Paradise Cove, to you. However, the parent in line
behind you, hearing the busy signal as you talk, feels exactly the same
way you do. Be mindful also of the length of the letters you fax. Not
only is it costly for you, but again it ties up the fax line for someone
else.
Please be considerate of the staff. It is tempting to take out
frustrations on a faceless voice. Yet, if you had the privilege of
spending time with any of them, you would come to know them as the kind,
caring, dedicated people they are. Also, take a moment to remember what
life was like when your son was home. Probably not always lovable.
Multiply that many times over, adding agitated parents to the formula.
This is their work environment. Yet, they see the possibilities in your
sons, and they rise to the occasion with infinite patience and love for
them. Acknowledge their dedication to your son.
Finally, stop and remember why you sent your son to Paradise Cove. The
staff needs the time to work with your sons. Special requests take time
away from the boys. It also undermines the program, and can create
problems for another student, possibly hindering their progress.
Be patient. Practice trust. Support the program. It works! And trust
in yourself. Trust for the decision you made on your son's behalf. Stay
focused on your goal....your son's success, your family's healing.
Top
My office hours are listed below. However, please note that I attend the
parent seminars and will be out of the office during those times. I do
have Voice Messaging, so you may leave a message.
I will return your calls, in the order they are received, with the
exception of calls that are urgent. If your call is of an urgent nature,
please note that when leaving a message. When possible, please limit call
time to 15 minutes, being mindful of the call behind you.
Question of the Month: What creative financing methods have you found to
be successful? One parent wants to know whether anyone knows of tax
shelters for the money used to pay for the boys' program. Please mail or
fax your suggestion.
You may reach me at:
Top
Jean F. wrote with information on a policy she and her husband took out
for their grandson in Paradise Cove. The plan provides hospital to
hospital air medical transportation anywhere in the world, 24-hours-a-day,
seven days a week, at no cost to the member. There obviously is a cost
for the policy, but far below what emergency medical transportation would
be. It has been the experience of Paradise Cove that no boy as yet has
ever required such transportation home, but if you are interested in this
protection, contact me and I will forward the information sent to me by
the Jean. Sheryl J., Ed.
Parents Interested in Forming Support Groups
Chico, Ca Area
Existing Support Groups - Contact Person
Huntsville-Conroe-Houston, Tx.
Please call Teen Help if you're from any of these areas and would like
more information.
Letter From Terry,
Be Careful What You Wish For -
Everyone's experience is different when their son is sent to Samoa. Yet,
we all share some of the same anxieties, pain, and yes - eventually joy.
I share this story not to criticize, but in the hopes that my observations
of myself and a friend might help someone.
My son left for Samoa September of 95. The pain in my heart was almost
unbearable, but the small voice inside told me, "If you love him
unselfishly, let him go!: For our son, the choice was between life or
certain death. I received two letters from Brightway and one phone call,
all of which were angry, but ended in sweet manipulations. Those
manipulations tugged at my heart and started to peel away the layers of
confidence surrounding our decision.
Next, letters from Samoa. It took a month for his letters to arrive. In
the meantime, I talked to Ofeira, who told me Dino was ill with a social
disease, but the doctor was treating him and he would be cured soon. Of
course I was sick thinking about my son's health, the quality of doctors,
and was the counselor just telling me he was OK just so I wouldn't bring
him home?
Luckily, my little voice kept talking, "Trust others; remember the chaos
and danger he was in before!" Then I talked to Sonja. She explained
about the mail - it's not like home; it requires a lot of patience.
By this time I started to remember what it's like to sleep through the
night without worrying about the phone ringing with horrible news, or
getting up to check and see if he had crawled out the window. Also, I
wasn't used to the quiet. My husband and I had nothing to argue or fight
about. Laundry was minimal, groceries were too. We could come home and
not worry about who was there, or was it still intact!
Still, I couldn't relax totally. My son was in another country, another
person's hands, and that was my job, and the guilt kept creeping in. When
I did receive letters I would cry with job, but then when I read them the
worry would intensify. "Minimal food, horrible disciplines, bugs,
sleeping on the ground!" Then I would cry tears of sorrow. My little
voice would eventually calm me down. "He was eating nothing when he left
home. At least he is eating three times a day. He always loved bugs and
he could always sleep anywhere. When he ran away from home he slept in
awful places, places that were dangerous. " He was still safer in Samoa
than at home. I learned to calm down and take events day by day.
About three months later my close friend decided to send her daughter to
Cross Creek. To my surprise, rules were different for the girls. She got
much more frequent communication with her daughter, which I became jealous
of. I was angry. Why did my son have to earn the right to call if this
girl didn't? It had been two months since I had any letters arrive. This
was not fair!
Thank goodness we attended the January Discovery Seminar. We learned so
much about the program and ourselves. I realized how much I had lost
myself and my sole focus had been my family, and especially my son.
Still, at the banquet the girls were allowed to visit and have dinner with
their parents. I was happy for my new friends to be able to see their
daughters, but as a Samoan parent I felt sad.
David brought pictures of each of our sons and a videotape. This was the
best moment in 5 months, physical proof! My son had put on 20 pounds on
his minimal food rations! This was a turning point for me. When I went
home I saw what the constant letters and occasional phone calls were doing
to my friend.
[Her daughter's manipulations eventually resulted in the mother bringing
her home after six months. Eventually the daughter ran away again and is
now living on the streets once more].
To be truthful with myself, had I had constant letters, like I wished for,
and occasional phone calls, my heart would have been torn to shreds, and I
might have "saved my son." [by bringing him home]. If my son could tell
good enough stories to fool the police, what chance would I have had?!
When we send our children away we are beat up, mentally battered and war
torn. We are too weak, a lot of us, to deal with the guilt and
manipulations. My hat is off to those parents of daughters who stay
strong. I am so glad I didn't get what I wished for. It took 8 months to
get our first phone call. I treasure that moment. Only love was shared,
not stories of bad treatment, anger, or guilt. We all valued the moment.
So please, please listen to your inner voice, place your faith in someone
else's hands, and don't wish for something you are not strong enough yet
to handle.
P.S. To set the record straight, the 2 month stretch of no letters was
due to a lost, then found, shipment with the UPS. I then received letters
once a month and progress reports every week. Talk to your case worker
when you feel desperate to reach out to your son.
Note From Linda F., Associate Editor
Dear Parents, We have entered the address labels on computer in order to
save manual labor and time. We realize there are many mistakes, and we
would appreciate your help in making the address list as correct as
possible.
Please send any corrections in names and addresses to Linda Fielding. You
may either telephone, fax, or send a postcard to my address (on front
page). Please include your son's first and last names when corresponding
with me.
Because our mailing list is enormous, we are no longer able to mail
newsletters to the families of boys who have gone home. However, the
newsletter is available on the Internet, at
http://www.vpp.com/teenhelp/pokis5.html. (See pg. 1).
© 1996 Viewpoint Productions, Inc.
You are visitor number
WHAT'S NEW IN SAMOA
WHAT'S NEW IN THE PROGRAM?
by Sheryl J., Editor
Case Managers' Schedule, Revised
7/96
Samoa
Manager
Days
Location
Hours
Seneritha
Th,F
Sa
Tu,W
Office
Office
With Boys
8-4:30PM
10-5:00PM
Ofeira
M,Tu,F
W,Th
Office
With Boys
8-4:30PM
Joann
M,Tu,F,
W,Th
Office
With Boys8-4:30PM
All lunches are taken from 12-12:30 PM.
TEACHERS' CORNER
TRAINERS' CORNER - by David G.
President & Trainer, Resource Realizations
Parent Seminars
TEXAS DISCOVERY
TEXAS FOCUS
November 22-24
October 10-13
LA DISCOVERY
LA FOCUS
October 18-20
November 14-17
SEATTLE DISCOVERY
SEATTLE FOCUS
November 15-17
October 24-27
Parent-Child Seminars
PC I
St. George, UT
December 27-29
ON THE INSIDE - by current Level 4 boys
she is so kind,
My mom brings happiness
to this life of mine.
that cold morning day
from all of the things
that were killing me away.
From the drugs,
from the gangs,
my mom saved my life
that cold morning day.
I kept running from her with all of my pain.
She was always there with her open arms,
but I kept running with my closed heart.
and she sent me away that cold morning day.
the tears rolled from her eyes,
she was so sad to see her son leave,
but she knew there was nothing else
that she could do.
finally came her worst nightmare.
It tore her apart to see her son leave,
but it was the only way to see him achieve.
She was so scared, she was so frightened,
she didn't know what was happening.
that cold morning day in despair.
INSIDE OUT by Sonja, counselor @ Paradise Cove
- Dolly Parton
ON THE OUTSIDE by Charles M., a young man who's gone home
THE EBB AND FLOW OF PARADISE COVE
by Glenda C., Parent Coordinator
Son Graduated From Program Sept. 2, 1996
Parent Coordinator's Corner
Glenda C.
1-801-467-3768 - Voice & Fax
Monday-Friday 9am-5pm - Mountain Std. Time
P.O. Box 540048
No. Salt Lake, UT 84054-0048
FAMILY SUPPORT
Atlanta, Ga Area
Dallas-Fort Worth, Tx.
Salt Lake City, Ut.
Miami, Fl.
Bay Area, Ca.
Los Angeles, Ca.
San Diego, Ca.
Seattle, Wa.
Maryland-Virginia
a Mom who Survived 12 Months
Letters and Calls Home
#1
April 15, 1996#2
May 15, 1996#3
June/July 1996#4
August 15, 1996#5
September 20, 1996#6
October 20, 1996